Humor
From the moment I met Bill, on my flight from Tucson to Dallas, I knew he was the perfect man. When most women rattle off a potential mate's must-have qualities, they usually include a decent job, sense of humor, good looks, a tongue with Parkinson's disease. My priorities are always a little different. "You have no computer and no cell phone at all?" I asked incredulously. "Nope," Bill shook his head, smiling. Bill, it turns out, was a member of the rare species of men known as Homo technophobiens. And if he played his cards right with me, he'd soon be Homo erectus.
From the moment I met Bill , on my flight from Tucson to Dallas , I knew he was the perfect man . When most women rattle off a potential mate's must-have qualities , they usually include a decent job , sense of humor, good looks, a tongue with Parkinson's disease . My priorities are always a little different . " You have no computer and no cell phone at all ?" I asked incredulously . "Nope," Bill shook his head, smiling . Bill, it turns out, was a member of the rare species of men known as Homo technophobiens . And if he played his cards right with me , he'd soon be Homo erectus .
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- rattle something off : (기억하고 있는 내용을) 줄줄 말하다 / a tongue with Parkinson's disease : 파킨슨 병에 관한 언변(전문적인 지식) / incredulously : 의심하듯이 / Homo techonphobien : 첨단기술을 배우는 것을 두려워하는 사람 / Homo erectus : 호모 에렉투스(직립 원인) /
I moved as close to him as our first-class seats would allow. Bill went on to tell me he was Native American and didn't believe in modern technology. Whoa! A handsome 45-year-old man who didn't have a douchey screen name like machostudd69? A guy who had never heard the words "Your mail-box is full" except when the Sears catalog came? By the time that flight was over, in my mind I was the future Mrs. Dances With Wolves, and I was this close to taking out his Little Bighorn right there on the plane.
I moved as close to him as our first-class seats would allow . Bill went on to tell me he was Native American and didn't believe in modern technology . Whoa ! A handsome 45-year-old man who didn't have a douchey screen name like machostudd69? A guy who had never heard the words "Your mail-box is full" except when the Sears catalog came? By the time that flight was over , in my mind I was the future Mrs. Dances With Wolves , and I was this close to taking out his Little Bighorn right there on the plane .
- as ‘형/부사’ as S + V : S가 V할 만큼 ‘형/부사’하게
- whoa : (감탄사) 우와 / douchey : 무려한 말의 / screen name : 닉네임
Why did I get so jazzed at Bill's lack of electronic savvy? The answer is easy: I was fresh out of the craziest relationship of my life, and I was looking for its opposite. My ex, Tommy, was an online playa who used the Net to stimulate his nads. He was the Don Juan of the web, the log-on lothario, the Adonis of AOL.
Why did I get so jazzed at Bill's lack of electronic savvy? The answer is easy : I was fresh out of the craziest relationship of my life , and I was looking for its opposite . My ex, Tommy , was an online playa who used the Net to stimulate his nads . He was the Don Juan of the web, the log-on lothario , the Adonis of AOL .
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- jazzed : 활기찬 재미있는 / savvy : (실용적인) 지식, 상식, 요령 / nads : (속어) 고환 / Don Juan : (비격식) 호색한 / lothario : 바람둥이 / Adonis : 미소년 / AOL : absent over leave 휴가결근
I never had the feeling Tommy was completely loyal to me. Maybe it was my insecurity, or maybe it was because whenever he heard " You've got mail," he got an erection. In any case, whenever I was with him, I kept one eye on him and the other on his computer. One Saturday morning when Tommy was snoring like an Irishman on March 18, I tiptoed over to his computer and started reading.
I never had the feeling Tommy was completely loyal to me . Maybe it was my insecurity , or maybe it was because whenever he heard " You've got mail," he got an erection . In any case , whenever I was with him , I kept one eye on him and the other on his computer . One Saturday morning when Tommy was snoring like an Irishman on March 18 , I tiptoed over to his computer and started reading .
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- erection : 발기 / snore : 코를 골다 / tiptoe : 발끝으로 살금살금 걷다
There, among a smattering of missives from friends and family, was what I had suspected all along. Endless strings of correspondence with more than a dozen women "friends" who were clearly much more. I mean, I've had lots of friends before, but never once has a "friend" sent me pictures of her snatch. Okay, once, but I immediately deleted Barbara Walters from my friends list. But seriously, Tommy's in-box was full of-box! And breasts! There were more boobs than the cast of Jersey Shore.
There, among a smattering of missives from friends and family , was what I had suspected all along . Endless strings of correspondence with more than a dozen women "friends" who were clearly much more . I mean, I've had lots of friends before , but never once has a "friend" sent me pictures of her snatch . Okay, once, but I immediately deleted Barbara Walters from my friends list . But seriously , Tommy's in-box was full of - box! And breasts ! There were more boobs than the cast of Jersey Shore .
- Jersey Shore : 20대 이탈리안 미국인 남녀 8명의 사랑과 질투와 갈등을 담은 TV 프로그램
- a smattering of : 조금 / missive : 편지 / snatch : 잡아챔, 성교, 질, 여자
Before the advent of computers it used to be if you feared your boyfriend might cheat, you kept him home. Nowadays, that's the worst place he could be. Let me explain: If I'm dating a guy, he usually has quirky looks - more George Costanza than George Clooney. So when he's out, he flirts only with women who are attractive, and Brad Pitt-iful doesn't get far with that type. But online it's a whole different story. Any guy can pretend he still looks like his college rugby photo and suddenly he's the McDreamy of Match.com. What guy doesn't seem better when you can't smell him?
Before the advent of computers it used to be if you feared your boyfriend might cheat , you kept him home . Nowadays , that's the worst place he could be . Let me explain : If I'm dating a guy , he usually has quirky looks - more George Costanza than George Clooney . So when he's out , he flirts only with women who are attractive , and Brad Pitt-iful doesn't get far with that type . But online it's a whole different story . Any guy can pretend he still looks like his college rugby photo and suddenly he's the McDreamy of Match.com . What guy doesn't seem better when you can't smell him?
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- quirky : 변덕스러운 / flirt : 추파를 던지다 / get far : (사태가) 발전하다
Don't get me wrong: I'm no prude. Taylor Swift I am not. Flirting is par of life that folks - married or single - can enjoy with no guilt, and checking people out online is not cheating any more than checking people out at the mall is. (Although, if you enjoy masturbating while checking people out, stick to doing it online. Mall security hates that.) However, banging someone you met online is cheating. If you're in a relationship, turn off the computer and love the one you're with. Remember the grass is always greener when you don't have to hear the sound of her annoying voice.
Don't get me wrong : I'm no prude . Taylor Swift I am not . Flirting is par of life that folks - married or single - can enjoy with no guilt , and checking people out online is not cheating any more than checking people out at the mall is . ( Although, if you enjoy masturbating while checking people out , stick to doing it online . Mall security hates that .) However , banging someone you met online is cheating . If you're in a relationship , turn off the computer and love the one you're with . Remember the grass is always greener when you don't have to hear the sound of her annoying voice .
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- prude : 내숭을 떠는 사람 / Taylor Swift : 가수 겸, 영화배우 / stick to : ~을 계속하다 / bang : (속어) 여자와 섹스를 하다, 쾅하고 치다[때리다] / be in a relationship : 누군가를 사귀다 /
Tommy's computer protocol was second only to his phone antics. In fact, Tommy may have been the first person to have the Tiger Woods texting plan - even on our dates. And it wasn't as though his texts were work-related. The only "jobs" he was texting about were blow, hand and rim.
Tommy's computer protocol was second only to his phone antics . In fact , Tommy may have been the first person to have the Tiger Woods texting plan - even on our dates . And it wasn't as though his texts were work-related . The only "jobs" he was texting about were blow, hand and rim .
- may have + p.p : (과거의 긍정적인 추측) ~였던 것 같다 / as though : 마치 ~인 것 같은 / about 전치사의 목적어인 the only "jobs"가 주어로 도치됨
- antics : 괴상한 행동 / blow, hand and rim : 섹스
Texting on a date, much like exposing your genitals, is inappropriate unless it's a blind date, and by "blind date" I mean the other person is blind. If you're so bored on a date that you find yourself texting, buy yourself a TV dinner and masturbate. I'm not saying you can't peek at your phone to see if someone hotter wants a shot at you, but typing away like a coked-out Lindsay Lohan is just plain rude. The only way your fingers should be working that hard on a date is if your hands are under the table and up my skirt.
Texting on a date, much like exposing your genitals , is inappropriate unless it's a blind date , and by "blind date" I mean the other person is blind . If you're so bored on a date that you find yourself texting , buy yourself a TV dinner and masturbate. I'm not saying you can't peek at your phone to see if someone hotter wants a shot at you , but typing away like a coked-out Lindsay Lohan is just plain rude. The only way your fingers should be working that hard on a date is if your hands are under the table and up my skirt .
- so bored that 절 : 너무 지루해서 ~하다 / the only way (that) your fingers should be working ..... is if 구문
- genitals : 성기 / blind date : 서로 모르는 남녀의 데이트, 소개팅 / a TV dinner : 텔레비전을 보면서 간단히 먹는 식사 / masturbate : 자위하다 / want a shot at : ~와 섹스를 원하다 / type away : 전적으로 메시지를 입력하다 / coked-out : 코카인(마약)에 취한 /
I know what you're wondering: Did I marry Bill and live a technology-free life as though we were Amish? No. Bill wasn't just technologically retarded; he was also socially retarded. You'd think a guy without the electronic accoutrements of life would have developed interpersonal skills. But alas, Bill had as many friends in real life as he had on the World Wide Web - none. And he had a personality to match.
I know what you're wondering : Did I marry Bill and live a technology-free life as though we were Amish ? No . Bill wasn't just technologically retarded ; he was also socially retarded . You'd think a guy without the electronic accoutrements of life would have developed interpersonal skills . But alas , Bill had as many friends in real life as he had on the World Wide Web - none . And he had a personality to match .
- as many B as A : A만큼 많은 B인
- Amish : 아미쉬파(현대 기술문명을 거부하고 소박한 농경생활을 하는 미국의 한 종교 집단) / retarded : 발달 능력이 떨어진 / accoutrement : 장비
In the end, I wound up with a guy who had a computer and a cell phone but who gave me his passwords on our third date. Take your diamonds and flowers and stick them up your twats, bitches. The password is the gift that keeps on giving. And I don't have to live in a tepee.
In the end , I wound up with a guy who had a computer and a cell phone but who gave me his passwords on our third date. Take your diamonds and flowers and stick them up your twats, bitches . The password is the gift that keeps on giving . And I don't have to live in a tepee .
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- wind up with : ~와 헤어지다 / stick up : ~을 내밀다(주다) / twats : (섹스 상대의) 여자 / bitch : (속어 못마땅함) (개 같은) 년 / tepee : (과거 북미 원주민들의) 원뿔형 천막
